So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
