Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
