new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
