So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My ass is underappreciated
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
