You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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