I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
