is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
