I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
