If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
