I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
