then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
