Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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