i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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