I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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