she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
