No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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