I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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