she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
