You made me cry and you don't even care
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
