i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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