Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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