i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
