I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
