and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
