Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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