Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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