tell your sister to shave her snatch
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
