I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
