Sponge bath it is.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
