I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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