I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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