i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
