I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
