I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
