so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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