btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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