can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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