sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He did a backflip because drugs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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