sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
