There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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