This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
