After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
God, I missed his penis.
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