I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
