you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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