Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is my gift to your gina
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
