I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
