Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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