Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
