Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
