He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
