i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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