So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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