So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
