i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
