The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
