Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize